The famous March of 2020. I had just come back from Myanmar, narrowly avoiding the lockdown at Moscow Airport. The weather was pleasant, and a break after a month of work was greatly needed.
I was doubtful about the pandemic, optimistically thinking that it wouldn't last more than a few months, and that Europe, in particular, would return to normal by summer. That wasn't the case.
Lockdown and restrictions on travel and commuting hindered creative individuals. We were not able to go out of the municipality. With no tourism, there were no tours or workshops, and I felt no need to engage in landscape photography. Instead, at the start of the pandemic, I focused on improving my skills with strobes, as I knew this was a weakness of mine.
The series of outdoor activities that I created in the flat remain among my most recognized photographs. The concept wasn't originally mine; I was inspired by seeing climbers in the kitchen in one of the issues of Rock & Ice Magazine. However, I expanded on the idea by incorporating various sports for which I had the necessary equipment to complete the series. The only sport not included is stand-up paddleboarding, as our bathroom is too small for it. It lifted my spirits, and photography kept me from worrying about the future. To be honest, I didn't sleep for an entire week because I was consumed with thoughts of new ideas, strobe placements, lighting, settings, and more. My mind felt like a child in a candy store.
The hiatus starts...
Following that, there was a mental blockade, leading to a loss of motivation and creativity. Business was completely absent. My partner that I worked with, rented a hotel in a remote part of Slovenia, hosted a photo workshop there. The clients gained knowledge, but the scenery was honestly quite average. This was another setback for me. Somehow, I became a perfectionist in my visions, and when the landscapes or photographs didn't match my expectations or weren't world-class, it left me feeling depressed. I was dissatisfied with the photos I took during the workshops. I left my camera in my bag for the following months, not even recharging the batteries from the workshops or downloading the images. Before the pandemic, photography and adventure were my main driving forces. Now, although I've managed to find time and motivation to engage in sports (even under the restricted conditions of the pandemic), my passion for photography has waned. I began to notice that when I went hiking and brought my camera along, I wouldn't even take it out of my backpack. This was something that would never have occurred in the past.
Although I captured the photo, I neither processed nor published it. Fortunately, I occasionally found the motivation to share some archived photos on social media, which helped me maintain my audience. Mentally, I just wasn't present. I recalled Vasja's saying, which I hadn't fully grasped at the time, about not taking a shot unless there's money involved. These thoughts began to occupy my mind. Photography had ceased to be a hobby and a source of pleasure.
The unpredictable circumstances, new pandemic waves, and their consequences led to financial difficulties. To save money, I had to halt social media marketing, which also contributed to fewer photo trips, sunrise and sunset hikes, and other photography activities.
I avoided spending time with other photographers who might have inspired me. I also chose not to follow social media accounts showcasing stunning landscape photos. I lacked motivation and felt envious on photographers.
I realized I was having difficulties with photography and decided to take a step back. I experimented with some hidden Photoshop techniques, learned several new post-processing skills, and revisited my archive to uncover some beautiful past images. It felt good to do this on a rainy day, but it was only occasional. The photos I took in the summer remained on the card.
In Autumn, we faced another lockdown. I motivated myself and ventured out during the blue hour to capture photos of the deserted streets of Ljubljana. This was the first series I truly enjoyed in a long time, which I edited and shared online. It was a unique opportunity to take these photographs. We attempted to promote photo walks but were unsuccessful, dealing another blow to my already low morale.
Light at the end of the tunnel
Leni and I decided, due to another lockdown, to move my hometown, Kočevje, to reunite with Vasja and for me to rekindle my passion for photography. Vasja was enthusiastic about the idea, and we spent a wonderful month amidst the autumn hues of Kočevska, capturing some really stunning images. It was Vasja again, who reignited the spark in me, just as he did when I began my photography career. It was a fun time and it helped to gain a bit of morale back. Same time, my quarantine story was published in Fujilove. I also decided to quit workshops and started to apply for the jobs. I still kept the website on, just in case.
Things began to improve. I regained some fitness and started hiking in the mountains to catch the sunsets. Along with Leni and friends, we embarked on hiking trips, sunset hikes, and I also managed to do some climbing photography at the local crags. I started to think about the future projects, I dreamed about a story in National Geographic again and started to work on it.
I dusted off my 100-400mm lens and captured some images in perfect lighting, attended a couple of sunrises, and joined a workshop by Samo Vidic.
Going down the tubes again
After that, I got a job at the ministry of environment, and my passion for photography waned again. It was timely, as I was running low on money at that point. The demands of the new job, learning new things, and understanding tasks took up too much time and energy, leaving me deeply demotivated. During this period, we visited the Dolomites, but the photography conditions were not ideal, and the photos I took did not live up to my expectations.
What was I thinking? I'm not sure. Initially, I saw the office job as a new opportunity to launch a career related to my background in geography. At one point, I even considered pursuing a Ph.D. I believed the job I got was much more than it turned out to be, and when I realized this, I was really disappointed. I spent most of my time drafting tedious legislation and suffering with the 9 to 5 work schedule, which I found difficult to adjust to after being a freelancer for most of my career. After full time contract I was relocated on a different area. Another stress, more work, no help. And no time even for recreation. I did not even think about photography. For almost a year, I published only 10 new photographs on my social media and most of them were weekend getaways where I took my camera with me, but main goal was not photography but to relax from work. I was in the same state as before we went home to Kočevsko. I stopped the Nat Geo assigment, even though the story was approved by the magazine. I've recently taken some photographs around the house where we settled. We began renovating the house, and I thought of photographing the process. What I captured was just the first day. I didn't have the energy or desire for longer photo trips, and no sunrises were captured. Weekends were dedicated to resting from work so I could return on Monday.
The situation became so serious that dust accumulated on my primary lenses, even beneath the protective filters. The zipper on the bag for my photo filters became stuck due to lack of use. The batteries were dead. And so was my creative mind. Without ideas, there's no energy. I had numerous concepts for what and how to photograph, and I had already reached out to the athletes to pose, but I just couldn't motivate myself.
Whenever I intended to begin a project, I always came up with an excuse. I felt too exhausted, the weather wasn't right, there was too much logistics involved, the athletes might not even want or need photos, I didn't know where to publish them, or how to sell the images, the camera is old, the computer is slow and yada, yada yada...
When I finally got the motivation, it was normally November or March, the most dull months for photography with not many good light conditions and no vegetation. And I didn't do anything. The best excuse I remember was simply - I will think about it tomorrow.
What put me back on track?
With the pandemic over, tourism was experiencing a resurgence. My office job had become an unbearable burden, so I chose to resign and return to the tourism industry. During my initial tours, I brought my camera along once more. I experimented with photography by using only fixed lenses (16mm and 35mm). It was a way to go. Just before the new year 2024 Fujifilm Slovenia surprised me with the XT-5 camera. I spent the new year holidays in the fantastic area of SE Iran and the persian gulf and the images turned out very satisfying.
I now understand how much I missed photography and the creative process while working in the office. I had forgotten the immense satisfaction that capturing a memorable image can bring. Even the act of taking photographs is incredibly fulfilling. Modern cameras deliver such high-quality images instantly, reducing the need for extensive post-processing to just a few adjustments. For the majority of my adventure photos, Lightroom post-processing suffices. When it comes to landscapes, I follow a standard procedure that I developed to maintain my signature style. Till now, I'm still mostly following the light and fast method with two fixed lenses and a body. I think I'm on a right path. The motivation is back. Even though I realised that the month with most ideas is still november :)
My dedication to photography is gradually returning. I'm revisiting old concepts with athletes and climbers, planning to capture some secret locations I've long intended to visit, organizing workshops, and discussing future collaborations with partners. To top it all off, I've acquired a film camera and launched another media channel dedicated to film photography. I'm reviving the blog, updating my portfolio, and refreshing my current website. The only challenge I still face is crafting a storytelling sequence of images during trips and workshops. It seems I've found another area to explore.
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